Wednesday, June 01, 2011


I dreamed of you again last night.  

You sneak up on me, in my dreams.  You're not there & I'm just doing whatever, busy with life, not even thinking about you & then ~ there you are.  You sidle up to me, & suddenly I find you there, you're touching me, seductive & dangerous, tempting me to touch you.  

I can't help myself, in my dream.  Before I even know what I'm doing, without even thinking about it, I'm caressing you.  I've got you in my hands, my lips are on you & it feels sooooo good.  I've almost forgotten how good it feels.  

I can't believe I've gone this long without you, in my dreams.  I don't remember what made me stop, what made me banish you from my life.  It doesn't even enter my mind.  All I can think of is how good it feels to be with you again, how good you feel inside me, how alive & bad & fabulous & naughty & RIGHT it all is.

Then reality comes crashing in & I remember all the hurt, all the bad, all the reasons why I swore to never be with you again.  I remember how much I hated the effect you had on me, how horrible I always felt the next day no matter how good it felt to be with you in the moment.  I remember it all, & I look at me holding you & I am disgusted with myself ~ disgusted & saddened by how weak I am, how quickly I capitulated, how eager I was to have you touch me again.  I remember how much I loved you & how you only returned my emotions with destruction.

& then I wake up.

& give silent thanks that yesterday marks 2 years since I quit smoking.

The desire nevah, evah goes away.  I can only hope that my desire to stay smoke-free remains stronger.


Belle said...

Good for you. That it was smoking surprised me!

velvis said...

Wilma you crack me up-- I was tingling inside for you--lol

congrats--love yah

Queen of Halloween said...

The fact that you made it through theater time without it, is a big sign that your will is stronger than you think. Sadly you will have those yearnings forever because smoking is not a is an addiction!
We have our reasons why we are addicted and until they go away we will never be far from that stumbling block. So if you stumble, pick yourself up and keep trucking.
Way to go girl and congrats!

hapi said...

Hi Wilma, Nice blog! How to add the Glitter Effect Mouse Pointer to your Blog

Wilma said...

Yes, because I am a 12 year old girl, so I definitely need some more glitter on my blog *rolls eyes*

Scratchings in the Dirt said...

Oooh, for a minute there I thought you sneaked a different kind of book in your library stack!