Saturday, May 31, 2008

Que Sera Sera

It is not always a blessing when the world is your oyster.

A few years ago, unhappy in my low-pay, go-nowhere but do-everything job, I decided that I was going to improve my life. Improve my skills. Improve my working conditions. I went to the nearest community college & talked to a career counselor there. She recommended I take some aptitude tests to better help her advise me on which road to travel down. So I did.

The results? They were too vague to assist me in my search for a meaningful & rewarding career. I am too well-rounded. All options are open to me. The sky is the limit!

According to the tests, I could pick any career, any at all, & do well at it.

Some people would regard this as a blessing ~ how nice not to get boxed into one path! I considered it a curse. When all options are open to you, when your choices are limitless, how the hell do you choose?

So, I did what any self-respecting procrastinator would do...nothing. I became paralyzed by indecision. If all options were open to me, I would choose the one with least resistance & minimal effort on my part. I would quit my job & just drift.

& so I have. I've drifted along, killing time, bouncing from one meaningless "job" after another ~ Welcome Wagon Lady, Handibus Driver, Bank Teller. I've spent time volunteering ~ theatre, church, Meals on Wheels.

Nothing has lit me on fire. Nothing sparks my interest. It's all just stuff I do.

Puffy said to me the other day, "Are you not happy with your life?" Confused, I said answered, "Of course. Why?" "Well, it seems like all you want to do is travel away from here, & buy things."

Boys & girls, I ask you, is there anything wrong with that? Mayhaps that is my purpose in life ~ to travel & buy things. I could be the linchpin keeping the economy running. I have to take that very seriously. It's a big job, big responsibility. Millions depend on my steadfast dedication to my work.

I digress.

I said to Puffy, "I just want to see as much of the world as I can. I always come home, don't I? So I must like it here. & name me three things that I just had to buy lately". He couldn't. He rarely can when I confront him like that. It's a great tactic that I have employed for lo these many years that has served me well in tight spots.

But his question got me thinking. & recent events got me thinking. What the hell good am I? What do I contribute to society? Do I want to contribute to society? Where is the purpose & the meaning in my life? Will I ever find a career or job that makes me happy & suits my personality, or will I continue to drift aimlessly from one mindless worker-bee position to another? What will people remember about me when I'm gone?

Why is it that the answers to the really big questions never come as easy as a quip at a cocktail party?

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