Thursday, September 27, 2007

Top 6 Unnecessary Inventions

Sometimes, inventions can be a boon to mankind ~ penicillin, heated seats in your vehicle, air conditioning, call display, email & the interweb ~ you really wonder how anyone survived without them.

Other times, however, you shake your head & go "Duh?" when you see stuff. These are 6 of those times. Not that I evah say "Duh?". Nope. Not me. Not in the super-genius vocab.

6. Self-flushing toilets ~ what? We're so lazy & piggish now that we can't even take care of our own waste? Like we were taught when we were 2 & potty-trained?

5. Power-driven fan on a bong ~ true dat. This is the ultimate in laziness. You don't even have to inhale, the fan does it for you. If you're that stoned, maybe you better take a break from the ganga.

4. Sudoku toilet paper ~ I understand the necessity of having time to waste in the washroom. I really, really do. This is why Uncle John's Bathroom Reader was invented. But why, oh why would someone write all over their toilet paper & then use that on their person? On that SENSITIVE area on their person? Unless it's not really meant to be used on their person. Then why not print the Sudoku puzzles on regular paper so it's easier to write on? Can you imagine trying to write on toilet paper with a pencil? Forget erasing mistakes!

3. Reality TV shows ~ I still don't get it. I don't get the attraction. I don't get entertained. I just can't fathom investing so much of my personal time in watching a bunch of f*^&tards doing stupid stuff. If I'm going to expand my ass by sitting on the couch, I want there to be scripts ~ written by talented, original script-writers ~ performed by talented, paid actors bossed around by talented, paid directors. I want there to be people whose jobs, nay careers are to entertain me. Who receive salaries {albeit, sometimes excessively large ones} to make shows to make me think, laugh, get scared, whatever.

2. Call waiting ~ nothing says "I love you" like someone putting you on hold to see if the other person trying to call is more important. Isn't this kinda like talking to a friend, then turning away & chatting with another friend who comes up to you, totally ignoring the first friend that was standing there first? Just a little? Whatever happened to the good ol' busy signal? You know, that beep-beep-beep that let you know the other person was, uh, BUSY ON THE PHONE & you should try again later? I find this to be most annoying. I don't have it on my phone. If someone wants to talk to me, they better be prepared to call back. Or not. I'm usually not busy. Or talking on the phone. I do have this feature is on the cell phone {why, I don't know, never asked for it} & I was distracted by an annoying sound while talking on the cell once, didn't know what it was. Never took the call. Don't know how. Won't learn.

1. iPod Nano ~ do we really need to watch the video of our illegally-downloaded music? In a world of 60 inch big screen TVs, who is going to be satisfied watching programs on this thing, not to mention movies? Oh, wait, I just mentioned them. But come on, who is going to watch a whole movie on this thing? Seriously, how big is the screen ~ it looks smaller than the display on my digital camera, & that thing is puny! Wackado.


french panic said...

I agree wholeheartedly with you on the call waiting thing. I refuse to get call waiting. I hate it hate it hate it hate it.

I agree somewhat with your views on reality tv. I like things that have been through some sort of working process BUT there are some reality shows I looooove, simply because they reaffirm my faith that humanity is totally whacked. Watching horrible mean people do horrible mean things to each other so that they might win some sort of prize makes me giddy, in a sad, twisted-feeling-in-my-stomach kind of way.

Tom Weston said...

What if, and I'm just throwing this out there, the iPod could have a projector in it, and you could project movies and webpages onto a wall, or maybe even 3d like on star wars....

I should shut up, cause that is probably in the works.

But speaking of star wars, why don't we have light sabers yet? Even just a small one for opening letters and cutting string off of packages.

Wilma said...

"Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope". Ok, I like the 3D projection idea.

Speaking of Star Wars, did you catch the amazing homage on Family Guy last week? Someone has sure studied every scene to an obsessive degree.

I admit, I also want a light sabre letter opener.