Wanted: Tiny Breathalizer

I've got a gang of crazy, flying-while-under-the-influence birds hanging out in my backyard & I don't like it! They're taking over the neighbourhood, bringing down property values with their gang behaviour, staring at me through my kitchen window with their beady little eyes. They're freakin' me out!

Plus they've gotten into the Mountain Ash berries & spend the whole day drunk-flying into my windows. Seriously! All day I'm listening to WHAP! BAM! BANG! KAPOWEE! on my windows. {Did you just have a Batman flashback? Come on, didja?}

Damn alcoholic birds. No respect for us decent folk at all. No respect. Tsk, tsk.