Thursday, August 04, 2011

Brain Exorcist Wanted: Must Work For Cheap

I have things swirling around in my head, things I can't control. Things I don't like. Things that make my brain hurt & cry inside my skull like a neglected baby.There's a lot of dark in there. A lot of negative bitchiness. A lot of unhappiness. It started a few months ago, slowly creeping through until it had spread throughout. It is insidious, seeping into cracks & nooks & crannies that I didn't know existed up in there.

I've tried pretending it's not there ~ but my smile is forced & my laughter canned. I've tried ignoring it ~ but it's persistent. I've tried drowning it with booze ~ but it can swim. I've tried pushing it aside with work ~ but it's insistent. Shopping doesn't banish it ~ it merely increases in strength.

How do you break the cycle? How do you get this shite out of your head?

I'm slowly losing all that I am, all that I am interested in, & all that I care about. I am drowning in a sea of negativity & it tastes as bitter as bile. My fa├žade is cracking. My control is slipping. My temper is miniscule & hair-trigger. I'm losing the battle.


Belle said...

I have been through major depression. I chose therapy which helped me so much. I am also on an antidepressant. You definitely need to talk with someone. I couldn't have changed or made it through without my psychologist.

notquiteawake said...

I'm with Belle. And if you go talk to someone and it doesn't help, go talk to someone else. Even just start out with a good friend or family member. Sometimes just saying things out loud really help. And always remember, you're not alone. You'd be amazed at how many people feel like you do and hide it really well. I sure was. The trick is to help people get through their hard times when you're not going through them yourself and lean on people when you need to. I'm always around.

velvis said...

Head to my house--I will clear it with a little "bet bet bet", some opm or lazia and some good times.

love you

seriously wilma I love you and support anything you need to get back to your happy place.

take care friend

Blondi Blathers said...

Don't give up. It won't last forever and you CAN beat it. We are pulling for you, and here to talk to when needed.

Queen of Halloween said...

You might have the same problem as PoD does it's called "brain misfiring" and is correctable. It's hereditary [dad's side] in her case and her daughter now has it. Ask her about what the symptoms are. Hang in there and there is always me ready to listen and to help are NOT alone!