Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Where Do I Begin?

There hasn't been much going on at DBM for the last couple months ~ have you noticed that, boys & girls? It's been all Days of Grace and not much else. No rants, no stories, no adventures, no photos ~ have I lost you all? Do I have any readers left?

It's been a shit show at Chez Wilma. It really has. I've been diligently doing the Days of Grace, trying to keep my head above water, trying desperately to make myself feel better by concentrating on the good in my life. I cannot say that I have had great success.

June opened up with a bang, literally. I ended up in Emerg with severe abdominal pains which resulted in a 3 day/night stay at the Dodge Integrated Medical Facility, & a never-ending succession of medical appointments, including ultrasound, C/T Scan, referrals to 2 different surgeons, & a possibility of cancer in my nether regions. What started out with me suspecting, quite naively, that I may be suffering from constipation {something I have never encountered before ~ what the hell do I know what it feels like?} has ended up with abdominal surgery. Today.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts, one so damned big that I have named it Magda the Bitch Cyst From Hell. Here is an artist's rendition of what Magda looks like:

Now, before you critique, I'll have you know the artist was ME & I am well aware that I couldn't win a drawing contest against a beetle.

Magda is big. 13cm x 9cm x 7.5 cm big. That Bitch has been around for a while, too... poking me in the side with sharp pains, pushing on my bladder, wreaking havoc all over my egg sacs & causing hormonal issues for months, maybe even years! There she's been, silently feeding on whatever scraps she can find, growing larger & larger until one day, my poor ol' bod just couldn't take it anymore & said "Hey! What the hell? You need to see this!"

Magda the Bitch didn't come alone, either. She got some of her Bitch friends to move in with her, taking over both ovaries like they owned the place. They didn't even pay a damage deposit or first & last months rent! They are squatters who snuck in under cover of darkness who now refuse to leave.

Well, they are in for a big surprise today!

My oncologist ~ or, as I call her "The Angel Who Lights Up My Life" ~ has offered, quite nicely, to remove Magda the Bitch, her Bitch friends, my egg sacs, and the rest of that useless crap I've got filling up my abdominal cavity. I have, wisely, decided to take her up on that offer.

So, as of right now, I am probably a couple pounds lighter & Bitch free. I should know when I wake up & have use of my faculties again whether there was any cancer or not, but whatever the histology results, it's all outta there. All of it.

& the next person who asks me when I'm having babies is going to wish they'd kept their mouth shut.


Roan said...

I think you have managed the perfect depiction of Magda the Bitch. Move over Picasso.

Seriously, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. All my positive energy is coming your way. Here's hoping for good news.

Poopsie aka Blue said...

Gosh when I saw you had posted, my first I thought was oh no they've cancelled your op!

But by now, Magda will be gone & good ridence - am off to check for positive news on your FB page.


Tom Weston said...

I had a very small cyst that meant me no harm on my scalp. No where near as scary as yours.

In fact, after I had him removed, I kept him and named him Murray.

I don't imagine you'll be doing the same... or maybe you will.

Good luck.

Wilma said...

Pamplemousse - they didn't even offer! No cysts in a jar at Chez Wilma.

Irishcoda said...

Yowtch! Magda's an invited, unwanted guest all right and hopefully you're feeling better now that she and all her nasty relatives are gone!