Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Cup Of Optimism Is Dryer Than A Popcorn Fart

For months now, I've been trying really, really hard to be an optimistic person. I started doing the Days Of Grace; I have consciously been trying not to be bitchy at home & at work; I have slapped my own hand HARD every time I say a catty comment about someone. This was going to be The Year Of Me ~ my year of happiness, my year of doing things for me, my year of health.

I can't be happy today. I just can't.

I have talked at length {starting
here, continuing here, and here, and here, and finally here} about my struggles with my jaw & teeth. The saga continues unabated.

I just got off the phone with the dental office. Due to an equipment malfunction during my last visit, my final appointments have been postponed. Again. We are now waiting for the equipment to get back from getting serviced. & they are unsure how long that will take so all my appointments are pushed back weeks. Weeks!!

I was to have been finished all this in November. I was to have been all fixed, all beautified & fabulous, with happy jaw & teeth that actually meet in the middle. That appointment went awry when my dentist discovered a breakdown of my orthotic & had to replace it instead of my teeth.

I was to have been finished all this by the middle of June. I was supposed to be free & clear & ready for the summer & the rest of my life with happy jaw & teeth that actually meet in the middle. Now, with the equipment fack-up, I am tentatively scheduled to be finished by the middle of July.

Why the depression? Why the freak-out? Why the
Death Bed Moment?

Because my current orthotic is breaking down & I don't think it will last until then. Because a big chunk came off a week ago, & I know that more will follow. Because I haven't been able to bite anything with my front teeth for 6 weeks cuz the front is weak & has already broken once. Because I just know, I just know that when I get there, something else will be wrong & we won't be able to go through with it. & the whole facking process will start all over.

I'm so close ~ I can see the finish line. I just can't get there.


Anonymous said...

I totally understand.

Just remember you are beautiful inside and out --with or without your teeth fixed!!

love yah

Queen of Halloween said...

You have crooked teeth? I hadn't notice. I think Puffy would rather kiss your happy face than straight teeth! Too bad all of what your having done has to cause pain! Have strength...all will work out in the end.

Wilma said...

Actually, what I'm having done is fixing the pain, not causing it.

I need this to get done so that I can eat/talk/yawn without pain. You know, like a normal person.

The beautiness of my new teeth will be a secondary & an added bonus, for sure, but not the reason I'm getting it done.