Thursday, May 01, 2008

Keeping Abreast Of The Situation

Two weeks ago, I was laying {lying?} on the couch watching TV ~ as I do most hours of most days when I'm not sleeping in my bed or on the fighting with the computer ~ & I found a lump, slightly painful, in my breast.

Now, let me take this opportunity to tell you that I do not do self-exams. I am lazy, as I may have mentioned a time or seven, & I believe that my doctor {whom I am no longer stalking, now that the Wart From Hell is dead} is much more imminently qualified to do that sort of thing, seeing how he's all edjumicated & stuff. But something made me check things out that night. Mayhaps boredom? Mayhaps curiosity? Mayhaps the pain?

Naturally, I freaked out & called Puffy in a panic into the room, my voice all tremulous with unshed tears. He also felt it. There was a hush in the room, as we stopped to think/imagine all the possible scenarios that could result from this discovery. Puffy tried to reason with me, telling me to not panic until I saw my doctor. Boys & girls, let me just tell you, there is a time & place for logic & reason. This was not one of those times. FYI.

I wasn't able to see my doctor for 5 days, so spent the time in my head. Literally, pacing in my head, talking to myself.

My doctor diagnosed a cyst. He was pretty sure that's what it was, since Bad Things That Start With 'C' aren't usually accompanied by pain. To be on the safe side, he sent me in to The Big City for a mammogram.

You'd think the most tramatic part of the whole ordeal would be the concern of having a Bad Thing That Starts With 'C', wouldn't you? Nope. Not for Wilma. I've always said if anything like that showed up in my chestular area, they'd better be prepared to lop them both off, the sooner the better.

A big part of how others perceive me is due to, well, my Big Parts, but they are my least fav body part. I would willingly & happily get rid of them in a heartbeat. I actually looked into getting a reduction, but the whole thing freaked me out. I started out with nothing, had nothing until age 25 or so, & would have nothing again without complaint. Clothes just fit better when you have less, there is less to get in the way when you're doing things, it's more comfortable to exercise with less...Less is More, in my book.

But I digress.

The part that was stressing me out was the mammogram. You hear things, you know? Other woman tell you things; how uncomfortable & painful they can be, how bruises happen that last for days, how unpleasant the whole situation is. Conrad came home once when I was 8 or 10, ranting & raving about how horrible it was, how painful, how useless, & how she was never, EVAH doing it again. You can see how that may stick in the brain of a susceptible young lass, can't you?

Luckily for me, there was an appointment opening with a short wait {4 days} so I grabbed at it. FancyPants came with for moral support & shopping.

Let me just say that the people at The Place were fantastic. Everyone was polite, professional, calm, soothing, & very knowledgable. Well, except for the receptionist with the crazay big 80s hair that had just attended Phantom of the Opera the night before, who was complaining about how boring the first 1 1/2 hours were, & how she didn't even get why all that useless stuff was in there. Um, it's called the "story". But about work stuff, she was great.

I was given an ultrasound & a mammogram. The mammogram? Not painful at all. Even with the tender spot, no pain. When the technician was done, I said "That's it?" & she said "Why, do you want more?" I told her that I'd heard it was such an unpleasant thing, & I had felt no pain. It was good. She was good. I want to buy her lunch.

After all the tests, I met with the radiologist on staff, who showed me the pics & assured me that what I had were cysts {yes, more than 1. I don't do things half-assed. I've got 3!} surrounded by some thickened breast tissue. Tender, yes. Disease-ridden, no.

They kinda look like a cluster of lakes, like the Great Lakes, floating around in there. I think I'll name them.

So, despite the two weeks of tension around here, all is well. It's not a tumah! It's not!


Anonymous said...

I know all about those Wilma! I too had the painful lump and right away thought about the big "C". I also had the mammogram but mine had to be that was uncomfortable....big needle. But it was worth it in the end!! Cysts are not fun! But thankfully mine never returned.


Mrs.X said...

Good for you for getting it checked out so quickly! So many women opt for the head in the sand approach. And, I am thrilled that it was just a cyst. There are somethings that start with a "c" that aren't that bad.

My mom had one of these when I was in college. They didn't tell me about it until it was over and a cyst had been confirmed. The culprit? Caffeine. Go figure.

Wilma said...

I can't even blame caffeine - unless that one cup of coffee I have per week is the culprit. Damn you!

Anonymous said...

VERY glad to hear that you've just gotta cyst, sorry, 3 cysts.
It must have been scary.
Now, if only Headmistress had acted as fast as you!

Take care

Queen of Halloween said...

Happy to hear all is well! Like a person needs thing like those on top of everything else? Stay well! QoH

french panic said...

Hurray for healthy WilmaBoobs!

This type of boobscare has happened to my sister twice, and at least one of my real-life friends. Not pleasant. Plus, "cyst" sounds incredibly, uh, sinister. Like a snake. Hissing up on you. Freaking you out. Ugh.

Wilma said...

Thanx everyone, for your boob concern.