Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Nobody's Mother

Just finished reading a fabulous book "Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids" which features 21 essays by women of varying ages & backgrounds.

It did my heart good to read these words of solidarity, of understanding, of explanation from intelligent women who, for one reason or another, have never given birth. Living where I do, socializing with whom I do, I sometimes feel very much alone, very much isolated in my conviction to never have children. This book not only confirmed my feelings, but it enabled me to accept my decision wholeheartedly, to realize that, while I may be alone here, I am not alone in the greater world community.

Although, why do we feel the need to explain our childfree state? Why do people feel they have the right to demand such an explanation? Do we demand they explain/defend their decision to have children?

Mayhaps we should start.

I recommend this read to anyone ~ those who are blissfully childfree & want to remain that way {to realize some support in a child-centric, pro-creating obsessed world}, as well as those who have children {to finally see the point of view from the other side of the fence}.


Mrs.X said...

It's amazing the dearth of support out there for women who don't or choose not to have children. I can understand the solitary nature of your decision since it seems that the world is very pro-natal. It's hard to fight that river. I'm glad that you found something that helps you feel understood and validated in your decision because really, it is your decision and your decision only. And frankly, I admire you for making the choice on your terms and how you want. So, good on you. And thanks also for reminding me that no one should require anyone else to justify their choices in life. Ever.

Wilma said...

Thanx for your support. Coming from you, that means a lot.

Yeah, unless you're an axe murderer or child molester, I don't think anyone needs to know the "reasons" behind choices. Just the fact that the choice has been made should be good enough.

french panic said...

Dearest Wilma,

How coincidental that I happen to love anthologies AND am currently sitting on the breeder fence with most body parts wanting to land on the "do not fertilize my eggs" side.

Babysitting a couple of 9 year olds and a 6 year old on the weekend certainly made me want to devote my life to worshipping at the church of Birth Control (patron saint: St. Vasectomis)

As you have clearly stated your position on the matter many times, I have often wondered how you do handle the baby pressure of Small Town, Saskatchewan. Not that it's any less annoying in Big City, Quebec, but every place has its own challenges, eh?

Wilma said...

Mainly, I deal with all the crap by throwing as much wine & martinis down my gullet as possible.

Becoming more crabby & direct & less concerned with the feelings of others in my older years has helped substantially, too. I can get away with it, cuz apparently they don't care about my feelings.

The baby pressure is more pronounced here, IMHO, as there is a limited supply of friends of similar interests & ages to choose from, & a limitless amount of pro-creators.

Of the 1100 residents here in Dodge, I can count on one hand the number of couples who are not parents {& most of them are in the "not yet" category, not the "not ever" category like Puffy & moi}.

The biggest challenge is at social gatherings when they all start with the baby yapping. "Junior did this today, blaah, blaah, blaah, labour was so long & horrendous, blaah, blaah, blaah, ripped from stem to stern. & when are you having kids, Wilma?"

When hell freezes over isn't adequate enough.

french panic said...

I put a request in at the library for the book just after I posted my previous comment.

Also: yeah. Hearing women complain about boobs and bellies after birth (um, what did you THINK was going to happen, ladies?) is NOT an enticement. I am also curious about all those vague comments that women make about how much your sex life changes after having a vaginal birth. No one EVER elaborates. They just say "it's different."