Top 6 Secret Weight Loss Plans - Weigh Day 3

This whole bet thing with Peanut is not going my way thus far. I'm only x-2 in the weight department, & the measures have plateaued. Meanwhile, Peanut had the flu for 10 days & has probably lost buckets of weight ~ not that I'm not worried for him being sick so long, but let's face it boys & girls, having the flu is the most effective diet plan evah!

So, other than getting close to anyone around me showing signs of the sickness or forcing my way into the BV which is under quarantine with the Norwalk virus, I've come up with some super-genius, super-secret ideas on how to get in shape, lose some weight & win The Bet. Don't anyone spill the beans. I don't want Peanut stealing my ideas for himself so be very quiet. We're hunting clams here. 50 clams. Hehehehe. Best Porky Pig I can do via keyboard strokes, sorry.

6. Implement some sort of exercise into my daily routine {& not just my mouth, as I am prone to do}~ this is going to be hard cuz I'm not sure what exercise will meld with laying on the couch eating digestive crackers & drinking beer.
5. Stop drinking so much beer, wine, martinis, Caesars, shots, etc ~ killer!
4. Cut my hair ~ should be worth at least a pound, right? Especially if I shave my head like Britney Shears. Maybe I should shave my legs, too. That's gotta be another 1/2 pound. Oh man, what if I trimmed my toenails? & shaved the calluses off my feet? Hmmmm, I foresee a grooming day in my near future.
3. Drastically reduce the amount of chips I eat during the day ~ great idea, so simple in its simplicity, yet so hard to accomplish.
2. Wear less jewelry, makeup & skin lotion ~ I predict another 1/2 pound here. Man, I'm scooting ahead already! This plan is brilliant in its brilliantness!
1. Stop thinking so much ~ we all know that muscle weighs more than fat, & the brain is one big muscle, & the more we use the brain, the stronger the muscle gets, ergo... if I limit my thinking, my brain will relax & not increase any more muscle, thus stagnating its weight. Brilliant!

I'm so going to win the 50 smackers. What, what is this in my mouth? The premature taste of victory? Yum, yum.